A Big ‘Ol Trigger Warning for Domestic Assault/Abuse

SERIOUSLY PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS BLOG POST IF IT WILL TRIGGER YOU – THERE’S A LOT OF PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT MY ASSAULT IN HERE.

The Body Remembers When the World Broke Open tells an important story that I don’t think I’ve ever personally seen before in traditional Hollywood cinema. Although it’s subtle, to watch the aftermath of what experiencing Rosie’s assault does to Alia is a piece of PTSD reality that I have never seen on screen. As a survivor of a domestic assault (a strangulation attempt), similar to Rosie’s (I had the same bruises on my neck, arms, and face) by my ex-boyfriend, who I loved very much – and didn’t leave, I feel as though I know these women. Two days after he assaulted me, he dumped me, and made my life a living nightmare. I felt for Rosie and could understand what she was going through; even though my privilege as a middle class-wealthy white woman obviously makes my relationship to my ex-boyfriend different than Rosie’s to her boyfriend – or “lover” as she calls him, which is fascinating – as the audience sees absolutely no love between the characters during the time of the film (with the exception of Rosie’s defense of him). I lived with him and had no connection to my family. I only had him – he was my world. 

When the woman working at the safe house says to Alia that it often takes multiple tries before a woman who is being domestically assaulted attempts to actually leave her abuser, I was almost blown away by the reality of that (even though I know the facts and figures) – and also of I, myself, also refused to share my story or what had happened to me for months; hoping that I would get back together with my ex. He assaulted me in May of 2017, and with the exception of my parents seeing the physical bruises on me, I didn’t tell anyone (including my therapist), what had happened to me until October of 2017. That’s 6 whole months of no action as a man I thought I loved absolutely tormented me. Being afraid of making it worse is atrocious and happens so often; as soon as I reported what had happened, my ex became more abusive. He would stare at me from windows, follow me into elevators, scoff at me when he saw me, would ride his bike close to me, and would sit three seats away from me in the library – despite there being another 3 floors and another whole library for him to study in. His retaliatory actions became so bad, and my school was so sexist and negligent with my Title IX case, that I ended up using my school with the DOE and Office of Civil Rights and getting a restraining order (which I did by myself, no help from my parents – completely pro-bono, [thank God, or whatever is up there]). 

But now, that time is remembered as all sort of a blur. Handling trauma in perhaps not the healthiest way, by shutting it out, has been the easiest for me – and for years now, since 2017, I have avoided most drama/comedy (anything that isn’t documentary) as it is usually too triggering for me. I don’t really want to see happy couples in love when I’m afraid of most men, and I certainly don’t want to see depictions of physical assault (I’ve tried to watch Big Little Lies easily 4 times and haven’t succeeded once), as they throw the rest of my day off. Since my assault, however, I’ve been working on fully learning Dialectical Behavioral Therapy – and most recently, a new type of DBT dedicated to PTSD. Just like Alia can’t breathe after she finds Rosie on the street, I feel that often. The sudden, overwhelming fear that triggers one’s body into complete betrayal and shock. I’m currently learning DBT-PTSD, and working on re-learning the feelings of fear and hurt. I’m reworking the way that my brain sees trauma, and this film was a really great exercise in that. When I typically see a domestic assault, I shut down. Now when I see it, I’m working on experiencing those feelings, while recognizing that they are not currently happening to me. Although Rosie’s assault is very similar to mine, my body is learning to undo the typical PTSD responses I experience when I’m triggered by something as horrible as her situation. It’s not happening to me – I’m merely observing it. 

And observation comes into play a lot in this film. There are a ton of very long, focused shots on the women that one doesn’t typically see in narrative film. Even though we don’t know Alia’s story, we learn a lot about her from the long shots on her face. We learn a lot about Rosie from the long shots of her in bathrooms. What some people may regard as menial or time-wasting shots, I found really blissful. It was beautiful to watch a film in almost real-time. The audience is actually observing the characters in all moments of their day, not just the traumatic, violent, or “exciting” ones; the ones of Alia getting an IUD, Rosie eating a bagel, or singing along to Joni Mitchell to her son. Rosie’s strength is remarkable. For as amazing and wonderful as Alia is, Rosie is an incredibly strong, young woman. She is tough, smart, and very self-aware. That’s obvious when she “flips the script” in the cab – she knows how she appears: “cheap.” Normally, I would have avoided a film like this like the plague – or really, I guess, I should say “coronavirus,” but I’m really glad that I gave this film the chance. I really loved it. It is so different than so many other films. And honestly, even though neither one of them is in great circumstances, I find women helping other women beautiful.